I do a lot of reflecting between December 26th and January 1st. Sometimes I criticize myself, and get filled with self pity and doubt. I get lost in thought about; what I should have done, some regrets, and what should I have done better. The past year's failures smack me in the face. I tend to look at all the negative that happened the past year instead of all the beauty. I find myself in that place right now. BUT, this time I look at the failures as growth, as learning, as something that will be an awesome tool in my tool belt of life. It's choosing to push that ugly aside. Or, see the beauty in the hideous dark moments of the past year. I choose to look to 2018 and smile, not because this year will be all peaches and cream, but because, as they say, "when life throws you a lemon, make lemonade".
2017 was a challenging year in so many ways. My gosh, do I list them all? lol
I'll just reflect on the goals I made last year and see where I'm at. Here are my 2017 Resolutions. My reflections in italic at the end of each paragraph.
- Be an awesome "boy mom" for my boys. God knew what He was doing when he blessed me with three sons. I'm completely honored and freaked out. I want to raise these boys to be amazing men of God, to be strong and courageous in this world full of attacks and uncertainties. I want to really tune in to their personal needs. I want to learn their love languages and start pouring into their love tanks. I just don't want to fail them (oops, mom guilt). I want to be a Proverbs 31 woman and Proverbs 31 mom. To be clothed in strength and dignity, not fear the future, speak with wisdom, and to give instruction with kindness. So that at the end of the day my boys will call me blessed. ***OK, I read this and I see the failures. I see when and how I failed so many times! My gosh, I bought the books to read to help me tune in, but I didn't get to them. I started homeschooling my third grader and question each day if that was the right thing to do. I struggle with keeping up with the three boys so much. And yet, I find myself wrapped in grace. My boys have so much grace toward me. I love them with every ounce of my being and in 2018 I will strive to be the mom I want to be for them.
- Be an amazing help mate for my husband. I've read countless "to be a better wife" books, and in doing so, I have learned that not only do I need to work on myself to be a better wife, but I also need to help my husband be a better husband. I have not been the helper or friend my husband needed in order to be the best he can be. I constantly pointed out things he should change about himself and drilled, "love me like Christ loves the church" once too many times. I missed something so simple; which is to be HIS. It's time to start dating my husband and using my gift of talking to encourage him instead of breaking him down. ***Oh man, I tried that, I did my very best on what I set myself up for. BUT this year proved to be the most difficult our marriage had ever seen. We were separated twice for months at a time and weeks in between. We both called it quits and yet held on to hope. A tiny amber of hope. Deep down we needed each other. ***I wanted to be his so much, but first he needed to be mine. or vice versa. Not being together for the summer made me fight harder than ever the very present enemy that was after to destroy, not just our marriage, but our souls. We won. and will continue winning this coming new year.
- Spend more time with the Lord in devotion. I tried waking up early to give my first hour to the Lord, but with the baby waking up every 2 hours, I just cant. I'm a walking zombie most days as it is. Without coffee I might bite someone's head of (I need sleep). My down fall is the TV series I stream from Netflix. I put the kids to bed and spend hours watching some show that is a complete waste of my time. It does me no good and I learn absolutely nothing. Seriously, it's hours down the drain. I want to give that time to the Lord and to grow as a person in some areas of my life. ***I'm proud to say, I watch very little TV and movies! I kept this goal! wahoo! check this one off. I did find myself seeking the Lord on a different level and am so in love with Him.
- Read more books. I'll be posting my 2017 book list this week. As I read, I'll do a little book review and add onto the post. ***I wish I read more. I have so many books on my "to read" pile, and started a post on the books. Books I love link .
- To buy a house. Not just rent, but to own a house this year. A house with some land that I can have a veggie garden, fruit trees, a chicken coop, a big tree for a tire swing, and a front porch is a must. My son has other requests when praying for a house that includes zip lines, pool, and dirt bike paths. We'll just stick to veggie gardens and a tire swing for now. Why the haste to buy? Well, we have been given a 30 day notice to move out of the house we are now in because the owners (my aunt) have sold their house and are moving back into the house we are renting. ***Nope, we didn't buy a house. So many forks in the road. We are in an apartment and praying for a miracle. dreaming of a chicken coop, front porch and tire swing. sigh...
- I want to lose the baby weight. This is a bit of a struggle for me because I do not love to workout and cardio is torture for me. I have a major sweet-tooth as well, not good. Sigh... I am so so very tired of living in leggings, I miss jeans, and dresses. ***Well, I didn't loose much weight. I don't have a scale, so I have no clue, but I am almost fitting comfortably in size 2. My ideal size is between 0-2, so I know I have a bit more to go, (I'm petite, so in 0-2, I'm really not that skinny). Gosh, maybe I'll do an at home program and share it with you all this 2018 year. You know - for support.
- Cut down sugar and gluten. I want to find ways to bake all those Russian desserts that I love with less sugar and make them GF. But this year I really want to tune in a bit more to what my family is consuming and educate us on the effects some of the foods have on our bodies. ***Yeah, this didn't really happen. I love my sweets, especially from the Russian store. I did focus on using alternatives to sugar in my baking. Some work, some don't. Link to the page of my mom's recipes Mama Love's Cookbook .
- My paintings. I aim to paint again his year. My goal is to deal with my insecurities and reach out to coffee shops and galleries and sell my pieces. This goal includes time management as well, because I just get so tired by the end of the day and have nothing to give to a canvas. ***OH MY GOODNESS. This goal is a repeat for 2018.
- Take an actual Vacation. We need a vacation with a passion (but a house comes first... I'll still keep this one up) sigh. ***We took two vacations this year! awesome. links to our California Trip and Atlanta, GA / South Carolina trips.
- Find a 1960's credenza. Yes. I need one in my life. I've been searching Craigslist, Offer up, Salvation Army, and garage sales for a year now. Vintage/modern is the look I'm going for. I just have one in mind and I need to find it. It will be perfect for that house we will buy this year - just sayin. ***I saw a few that I wanted so much, but, the apartment is just too small . When we do get a house, I am so buying a credenza.
Well, then. Gosh, 2017 was not what I expected. It was more than I expected in terms of personal and marital growth. For that I'm so thankful, and with that am excited to take on the new 2018 year with a clear head and a hopeful heart. That was a lot of reading. If you stayed with me all the way here, comment below and tell me one thing that 2017 blessed you with.
A little personal style info:
The dress I got from Nordstrom Rack, Click here for Similar Dress . I'm on the short side, so I used a belt to sinche at the waist and make it look like a skirt and top. and because I'm short, some mid length dresses make me look even shorter.
Shoes are from Nine West , I got them a few years ago though, but, they are having an extra 30% off sale now!
Comment below what 2017 blessed you with.