We're Moving! 2019
I guess I should say is that we’re going back home to Florida.
Some of you know we moved from Florida to Portland, Oregon six years ago now, after my mom suddenly passed away. We moved here to help my dad with the house and be close to the family. However, both my husband and I were not in the right frame of mind to make this type of moving decision with out the help of Jesus. BUT, we were too mad at Jesus for thinking He allowed death into our lives, to even ask Him for peace and comfort. I say “we” because a few weeks after my mom died, my husband’s brother also passed away. My husband shut down and closed me off completely. All I had was my family to keep me going and I just cried and yelled out to God to do what His name is - Comfort me. He did, and that’s another blog post I’m sure I’ve already posted (you should read it :) ). In my husband’s brokenness (I’ve shared this on previous blog posts as well) he really fell apart and built up walls. I don’t say this to put him down in any way, but to bring light to something real in my life. A struggle that at times has thrown me into anxiety attacks and completely losing sight of who I am. My husband continues to struggle, and in these six years that we’ve been in Portland, we’ve been separated more than I can count. I don’t regret moving here because I have grown in more ways then one, especially really searching and pursuing a Good Father God. I’m telling you, I found Him. He’s been there all along. I found a strength in Him to know who I am through Him and with Him. Those months of being a single mom and not knowing if the next bill will be paid, I still found joy and strength. The peace that only Jesus can give was all I needed, and you guys, it’s just so beautiful. My story with marriage struggle isn’t over. sigh, I feel it’s in the middle, but I know God’s will for my marriage is good, so I will fight for it still. Victory is already His and I need to stay firm in that.
Any ways, I made the choice to go back to our Florida house in January. To go back with the boys and just focus on Jesus, the boys, my blog, art career, and just a slower pace in life. I asked my husband to help us move back. He saw that it wasn’t just an idea, this was it. I was doing it. One way or another. And then I started to see life coming back to his soul. He started dreaming again. Opening up to me and talking again! I get excited about that because there were times we were under the same roof and he would not talk to me for MONTHS. I’m not kidding. So, sitting down and getting excited to go back home, go back to where his heart was left, made him wake up a bit and a glimpse of hope in me. At this time he is moving me and the boys to Florida and then going back to work in Portland, OR. I want us to thrive as a family, I want my husband to love and adore me and to put Jesus above all else. But, he continues to make choices that I just can’t tolerate and refuse to raise the boys in that environment. I am giving my husband space to make choices on his own. I will continue to fight for us, but, I don’t want to lose myself in the process.
I was hoping this move will not be permanent. But, the more I pack and downsize, the more I am excited to start over. To start fresh. I don’t want to go back. I am going to miss my family and friends SOOOOO much. I can’t seem to wrap my brain around that bit. I lead a woman’s Bible study and love those girls so much. I feel like they “know” me. Like really really know me. AGHHHHHH…sigh. They will just have to visit, or move. Come on - who doesn’t want to live in the Sunshine State?
I’m slowly packing out things and just getting so excited!!!
I’ve linked my favorite “mom of boys” tees below.